August 29, 2017

Aug 29

Dear Mic,

Today I woke up with a really heavy heart. I took sleepasil last night para makatulog ng mahimbing but I still woke up at 6am. My first thoughts are you. 

I ask myself,

• Bakit mo ako iniwan? Ano ang ginawa ko na di mo matanggap?
• Minahal mo ba akong?
• Bakit sumuko ka agad?

I know these questions will never be answered. And that's killing me. I was placed in a situation that I cannot control. Why did you not give me a chance to correct them? 😭

I was reading a book last night, ang sabi sa book, ang true meaning ng "You deserve better." ay "I deserve better than you." Ang sakit basahin at malaman yun. Ayoko na ang ganito nararamdaman. You never told me ano ang hindi mo nagustuhan sa akin. You just told me the good qualities but we all know there's more to that kasi hindi ka naman bibitaw kung walang mali sa akin. 

Paggising ko, I don't know what to do para makalimutan yung sadness. Pag gabi naman, I dread the evening especially, because that's when I miss you the most and I really feel pained. I can only cry my grief. I have deleted your number because I cant trust myself anymore. Baka masend ko ito and you pity me. The last thing I want is your pity. 

I wish a day will come na hindi na ako magigising at matutulog na nasasaktan. 

Les